I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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