oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
