i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
it glows. i had to have it.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
