Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize