ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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