My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize