he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
