sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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