honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
