Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
