Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Randomize
