he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
