On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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