You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
