I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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