a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
