im about as happy as oj after his trial
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
