Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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