I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize