Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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