Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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