i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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