well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
