wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
