Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Randomize
