I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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