3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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