for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm way too hungover for life right now
So I just went to clothing optional bar
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
