You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
