if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
