My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
where am i from again
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
