her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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