Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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