Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
