Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
