I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
