If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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