I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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