I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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