This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
