Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize