Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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