let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
