he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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