You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
