I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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