i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
