Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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