I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Did I show you my penis last night?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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