No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
So gin and wine won't be happening again
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
