2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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