I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
