I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
