how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
