fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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