there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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