You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
