So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
