Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize