is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
i think my cat just said my name.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
