Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
