You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
