we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I fill condoms, not promises.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
