my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
