somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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