I just threw up on my dentist
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
