1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize