FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
