im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
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