I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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