It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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