i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize