butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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