How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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