Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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