Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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