...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
