i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
