I seem to have left my pride at pride
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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