My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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