Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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