thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
