69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize