I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
