You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
