ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
