i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
