What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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