I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize