Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
