We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize