you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
