do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just cut my nipple shaving
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
