I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
