Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
