that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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