youre lurking in front of me
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
