hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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