He disabled his match.com account in front of me
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i drank out of a bidet.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
