WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
Randomize