A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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