I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
