2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize