so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm both gender and math confused
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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