thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize