girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
