You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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