You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
