The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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