So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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